The Fear of Discovering You’re Part of the Problem

What if your honesty, diligence, and loyalty made you part of the problem? A look at institutions, complicity, and the central question behind the fantasy spy thriller Silent Watcher.

One of the questions that sits underneath Silent Watcher is surprisingly simple: What if you’re part of the problem?

Not the villain. Not the mastermind. Not the person giving the orders. Just someone doing their job.

It’s an uncomfortable question because most of us naturally imagine we’d be the exception.

When we read about corruption, institutional failures, or historical injustices, we picture ourselves as the person who would have spotted it. The whistleblower. The dissenter. The person who refused to go along with it.

Very few people imagine themselves as the person quietly helping the system function.

Yet that’s where most people live.

Not because they’re bad people.

Because most institutions are built from ordinary people doing work they believe matters.

The uncomfortable truth is that systems rarely depend on villains.

They depend on competent people. People who show up every day and do their jobs well.

Most of the time, those people don’t see the whole picture.

The person filling in the form doesn’t know where the form goes next.

The person writing the report doesn’t know how it will be used.

The person recording an event doesn’t know who benefits from the record.

Everyone sees a small part of the machine.

That’s what makes these systems so effective.

The people inside them don’t need to be wicked.

They just need to keep doing their jobs.

What interested me most wasn’t the discovery of corruption.

It was what comes afterwards.

Imagine discovering that you helped something harmful happen.

Now imagine discovering that your best qualities were the reason.

Your strengths. Your honesty. Your diligence.

The institution didn’t need to exploit your flaws.

It relied on your virtues.

That’s a much harder thing to live with.

It’s one thing to discover you made a mistake. It’s another to discover that the qualities you’re proudest of were exactly what made you useful.

When I started writing Silent Watcher, I knew the protagonist couldn’t be cynical.

She had to believe.

Anselma has spent twenty years serving an organisation she genuinely respects. She believes in its mission. She believes in its values. She believes she’s helping preserve the truth.

She’s good at her job.

She’s proud of her work.

She’s convinced she’s one of the good people.

That’s what makes the story work.

A cynic expects corruption. A believer doesn’t.

When a cynic discovers a lie, they shrug.

When a believer discovers a lie, the discovery threatens their entire sense of self.

Because suddenly the question isn’t whether the institution can be trusted.

It’s whether they can trust themselves.

I won’t spoil where Anselma’s story goes. But I will say this was the question I kept returning to while writing the book:

If you were diligent, decent, honest, and loyal, would you have seen what was happening?

Or would those very qualities have made you useful to the system?

I’d like to think I’d have noticed.

I’d like to think I’d have asked the difficult questions.

Most of us would.

But that’s exactly why I find the question interesting.

I’m not sure any of us really know the answer.

And I suspect admitting that uncertainty is probably the most honest place to start.


Silent Watcher is a standalone fantasy spy thriller about a woman who serves the truth inside an institution that has learned to manufacture it.

For readers of Seth Dickinson, John le Carré, and K. J. Parker.

The Most Powerful Magic System Is Bureaucracy

Why I wrote a fantasy spy thriller about records, archives, and institutional power. A look at how paperwork, documentation, and official narratives inspired Silent Watcher.

When people hear “fantasy spy novel”, they tend to picture assassins, coded messages, secret meetings, and people passing sealed letters in dark alleyways.

There’s some of that in Silent Watcher.

But the thing that ended up fascinating me most wasn’t any of the spycraft.

It was paperwork.

Reports. Archives. Records. The mundane machinery by which institutions decide what officially happened.

And possibly one of the most frightening.

Think about how much of your understanding of reality depends on records. Who owns a house. Who owes a debt. Who was born. Who died. Whether something happened at all.

Most of us don’t rely on memory for those things. We rely on documentation.

A functioning society more or less depends on that.

You can’t run a country on competing recollections. So we trust the record.

The problem is that whoever controls the record controls something very close to reality itself.

That’s not a fantasy concept. That’s just how institutions work.

The version that gets stamped, filed, and archived almost always beats the version that exists only in someone’s memory.

The report becomes the truth.

Or at least the official version of it.

One of the things that interests me about institutions is that they can produce terrible outcomes without containing a single obviously evil person.

Fantasy often gives us a Dark Lord. Or a tyrant. Or a corrupt noble.

A person we can point at and blame.

Real life is often messier. A witness statement gets revised. A report gets adjusted. A death is recorded as an accident because accident is the category that closes the file.

Each decision seems small. Each decision seems reasonable. Everyone involved can honestly say they’re simply doing their job.

Yet by the end of the process, the official record describes a reality that never actually happened.

That’s what unsettles me.

Not the lie itself.

The fact that nobody involved necessarily thinks of themselves as lying.

That idea eventually became Silent Watcher.

The protagonist, Anselma, belongs to an order whose entire purpose is to observe and record events.

Her reports become the official account.

Her authority depends on documentation being trustworthy.

Which makes her the worst possible person to discover that the records may not be reliable.

She arrives in a quiet town to investigate the death of another Watcher.

The official report says everything is settled.

The evidence suggests otherwise.

Then she discovers reports in her own handwriting, carrying her own signature, authorising actions she has no memory of taking.

At that point, the investigation stops being about a dead colleague.

It becomes a question of whether she can trust anything at all.

Including herself.

One of the things fantasy does particularly well is take an ordinary fear and make it impossible to ignore.

Most of us have experienced that moment when the official version of events doesn’t quite match what we know happened.

Most of us have dealt with a form, a database, or a decision that suddenly feels more real than our own experience.

Fantasy lets you turn that feeling into the central conflict.

It lets you build a world where the record really is stronger than memory.

Where the paperwork can come for you.

Where the truth isn’t hidden.

It’s been replaced.

That’s the idea that sat underneath Silent Watcher from the beginning.

A document.

And the uncomfortable possibility that the document is wrong.


Silent Watcher is a standalone fantasy spy thriller about secrets, deception, and institutional betrayal.

For readers of Seth Dickinson, John le Carré, and K. J. Parker.

🛡️ Draft Complete, Thriller Progress & Guide Dog News | Author Diary – September 12, 2025 🐾📚

This week, I finished The Sentinel’s Mercy, made progress on a pen-name thriller, and received the retirement date for my guide dog Digit—an emotional but important milestone.

This week, I’m happy to share that I’ve finished the draft of The Sentinel’s Mercy, the latest standalone in my Ravenglass Guardians series.

With that wrapped up, I’ve shifted gears and started writing a psychological thriller under a new pen name—an exciting side project that’s been on my mind for a while.

I also talk about something more personal: I’ve received the official retirement date for my guide dog, Digit. It’s a big emotional moment, and one that marks the end of an important chapter.

🛡️ Midpoint Milestone & Launch Weekend Incoming! | Author Diary – August 29, 2025 🧟📚

This week, I reached the midpoint of The Sentinel’s Mercy and prepared for the launch of the Punks Versus Zombies trilogy, releasing August 31. Feeling better and back in the writing flow!

This week, I’ve been recovering and feeling much better—just in time to reach the midpoint of The Sentinel’s Mercy, my latest Ravenglass Guardians novel.

The story’s hitting its stride, and I’m excited with how it’s coming together.

I’ve also been hard at work preparing for the launch of the Punks Versus Zombies trilogy, which goes live this weekend on August 31!

Can’t wait to get this wild post-apocalyptic ride into readers’ hands.