As a devotee of zombie fiction, you’re doubtless well-versed in the signs of an impending apocalypse.
However, in the unlikely event that you’re caught unawares, here are ten definitive signs that you’re living through a zombie apocalypse.
After all, forewarned is forearmed – quite literally in this scenario.
- The Sudden Lack of Morning Traffic: You wake up to find the streets eerily empty.
The usual symphony of honking cars is replaced by an unsettling silence, broken only by the distant, forlorn groans.
It’s like Bank Holiday Monday, but every day, and with more cannibalism.
- Your Neighbour’s New Diet: Speaking of cannibalism, Mrs. Higgins next door no longer waves cheerily over the fence.
Instead, she’s developed an alarming new diet that seems to consist exclusively of passersby.
It’s one way to address the issue of noisy tourists, I suppose.
- Unorthodox Fashion Choices: The living dead aren’t known for their sartorial elegance.
If you see more and more people shambling about in torn, blood-stained clothes, it might not be a new fashion trend.
It’s either the zombie apocalypse or an extremely avant-garde runway show.
- Mobile Networks Down: Unable to update your social media status or call for a pizza, you realise that mobile networks are down.
In the zombie apocalypse, the only ‘tweets’ you’ll hear are the ominous cawing of crows over desolate streets.
- The 24/7 News Cycle Becomes the 24/7 ‘We’re All Doomed’ Cycle: News channels switch from their regular programming to a constant stream of distressing reports from around the globe.
It’s like election coverage, but somehow even more apocalyptic.
- Unexplained Power Outages: As if to add insult to injury, the power grid fails.
Now you can’t even binge-watch your favourite zombie series for tips.
You’re left in the dark, both literally and figuratively.
- The Sudden Relevance of Your ‘Zombie Survival Guide’: That book you bought as a joke is now your most prized possession.
You find yourself consulting it for tips on barricading your home – practical DIY at its most extreme.
- Gardening Tools Become Weapons of Choice: Suddenly, your garden shed is an armoury.
That spade you once used for planting petunias is now a means of survival.
Who knew gardening could be so… intense?
- Supermarkets Turn into Scenes from a Dystopian Movie: The weekly grocery run becomes a fight for survival.
Supermarkets are either deserted or overrun by zombies perusing the aisles for fresh produce, and by fresh produce, I mean you.
- The Sheer Number of Walking Dead Jokes: Despite the grim circumstances, you can’t help but notice that everyone’s become a comedian, cracking jokes about ‘legless’ and ‘armless’ zombies.
It seems dark humour is a coping mechanism in the end times.
So there you have it, ten signs that the zombie apocalypse is upon us.
Keep your wits about you, your garden tools sharp, and perhaps most importantly, maintain a sense of humour – you’re going to need it.