It’s fair to say Disney classics don’t always age well. When I heard Snow White and the Seven Dwarves was showing at a cinema while on a recent trip to Jersey, I bought a ticket for me and my family…mainly to escape the stormy weather.
The film begins with an overly cheery song by the Prince as he rides through the woods looking for his future bride.
He spots Snow White washing clothes and is immediately smitten, joined soon after by Snow White in a duet so saccharine it rots your teeth from the first note.
We all know how the Queen (Snow White’s step mother) wants to be the ‘fairest of them all.’ But, of course, her magic mirror doesn’t want to play along and tells her that Snow White is much fairer.
The Queen’s jealousy leads her to send a hapless Huntsman into the woods with orders to bring back Snow White’s heart.
Thankfully he took pity on the innocent princess and let her go.
Not so thankful were the dwarves who returned home to find a strange girl had broken into their house, made herself at home and decided to stay!
Did Snow White consider asking first? Nope.
She just assumed seven little men living in the woods would be thrilled to gain an unpaid live-in maid.
After gathering an army of forest animals to help with the chores (I hope someone picked up after them), Snow White proceeded to run the dwarves’ household without so much as a by-your-leave.
I’m sure the dwarves appreciated all the singing, but the lack of boundaries and respect for their privacy was astounding.
I was glad to see Snow White still felt the need to belt out an impromptu song while washing up, as if her poor dwarf housemates wanted an accompanying soundtrack to their breakfast.
Were the dwarves too polite to mention the singing grated on their nerves.
Throughout, the plot holes were glaring.
The dwarves were obviously skilled miners who’d discovered cut diamonds (perhaps a smugglers’ stash of some sort?)—so how come they still lived in a shack in the woods?
Did Snow White spend their hard-earned cash on shoes and hats without a second thought?
Speaking of Snow White, how bossy was she? Waltzing in and immediately telling seven grown dwarves how to stack their forks.
If The Hobbit taught us anything, it’s that you don’t mess with a dwarf’s cutlery.
The Queen’s evil plot with the poisoned apple was even more nonsensical.
The day before she had been perfectly willing to assassinate Snow White outright, but then decides a magic sleeping curse is more to her liking?
And not just any sleeping curse—one with a get out clause where true love’s kiss will break the spell.
Why would the Queen decide to leave that get out clause and chance being foiled?
It made no sense and showed a distinct lack of ruthlessness and strategic thinking on the Queen’s part.
If you want something done, do it properly the first time.
And the prince raised some serious alarm bells. Was he really that attracted to a dead woman?
Necrophilia doesn’t seem like good foundations for a relationship, or even the romantic motive in a children’s film.
I half expected him to carry Snow White off in a coffin to their hidden castle in the mountains, Count Dracula style.
In the end, I had to remind myself it was a film made over 80 years ago.
The music and animation still hold up, even if the story leaves a lot to be desired by today’s standards.
I’ll stick to trolls, hobbits and wizards in the future – they at least have the good sense not to break into song quite so readily.