When searching for role models to navigate the complex maze of life, who better to look up to than assassins?
You know, those mythical beings who earn their crust by severing the life threads of others—often with a dramatic flair that would make even Shakespeare say, “Tone it down, mate.”
It turns out, these dark, brooding figures from the literary world can teach us more than just how to don a cloak with menacing elegance.
Here are some lifelong lessons we can glean from these shady characters.
And don’t worry, none of them involve lethal weapons or hiding in shadows. Well, mostly.
Trust No One, Not Even Your Shadow
If assassin novels teach us anything, it’s that betrayal is as common as a weather complaint
in Britain. One minute you’re sharing a goblet of mead with your best mate, and the next, you’re pulling a dagger out of your back.
It’s a harsh lesson in trust—or rather, the lack of it.
But let’s face it, in a world where online privacy is a joke, perhaps a little paranoia is just what the doctor ordered.
Flexibility is Key
Assassins have to be adaptable, changing plans on the fly when things go pear-shaped, which they inevitably do.
While your daily obstacles might not involve dodging crossbow bolts or evading capture, adaptability is a skill we can all apply, whether it’s pivoting in a dead-end job or handling the ever-changing landscape of ‘cancel culture.’
The Fine Art of Observation
The third rule of Assassination Club is: know your mark. (The first and second rules are obviosuly not to talk about Assassination Club).
These chaps and chapettes are masters of observation, analysing minute details that others might overlook.
Granted, you’re not tracking a target, but honing your observation skills can be handy.
You never know when you’ll need to recall the alibi you gave for not attending that Zoom meeting you skillfully dodged.
The Value of Precision
Why use ten words when one will do?
Or ten stabs, for that matter.
Assassins are all about efficiency and precision, a lesson easily applied to our bloated inboxes and to-do lists.
Focus on what truly matters and cut out the rest—metaphorically speaking, of course.
Emotional Distance: Not Just for British Aristocracy Anymore
Most assassin protagonists are emotionally distant, not by choice but as a survival mechanism.
While total emotional detachment isn’t advisable unless you want a future filled with cats and microwave dinners, a little emotional distance can help.
Whether it’s not taking criticism to heart or weathering a Twitter storm, sometimes it’s okay to put up your emotional barriers.
Just not too high, or you’ll end up as approachable as a porcupine in a balloon shop.
Plan but Prepare for Chaos
Every assassin knows the value of meticulous planning, but they also know that even the best-laid plans can go awry.
Life’s like that: a series of chaotic events occasionally interrupted by moments of stability.
Or is it the other way around?
Either way, planning is good; adaptability is better.
The Road to Redemption is Paved with… Well, You Know
A common trope among our morally grey friends is the journey towards redemption.
Now, you may not have a dark past filled with death and destruction (if you do, this blog is not for you), but everyone has something they’d like to atone for.
Remember, it’s never too late to turn things around. Usually.
So, there you have it. Life lessons from people whose life’s work is to end others’ lives.
Is it unconventional? Absolutely.
Ethically questionable? Probably.
But hey, it’s a cruel world out there.
Might as well take advice from the experts in dealing with it.