How to Use Assassin Fantasy as Self-Help Books: A Morbid Guide to Personal Development

Unlock unconventional self-help wisdom by viewing assassin fantasy novels as life guides. Learn the art of efficiency, emotional detachment, and moral codes.

Who needs self-help gurus peddling the power of positive thinking when you’ve got cloaked figures traipsing through the night, dispatching enemies with a flick of the wrist?

Ah, yes—assassin fantasy novels, those gripping tomes of life-and-death scenarios and moral ambiguity, offer more than just a good read.

Believe it or not, they’re also stellar self-help manuals.

Allow me to guide you through the dark, twisting alleyways of personal development, where assassins are the life coaches you never knew you needed—or wanted.

The Ruthless Efficiency of “One and Done”

Life is short, and so are most lives in an assassin novel. Our dagger-wielding heroes rarely waste time, executing their tasks with an efficiency that would make Marie Kondo green with envy. Lesson? Declutter your life, metaphorically and literally. If it doesn’t “spark joy” (or is actively trying to kill you), cut it out. And no, you don’t need a literal dagger to do it. A ruthless unsubscribe spree can be just as satisfying.

Strategic Planning: It’s Not Just for War Rooms

It goes without saying that assassins are meticulous planners.

They have to be; one false step could lead to decapitation or, worse, unemployment.

This level of attention to detail can be applied to your own goals.

Want to ace that job interview?

Treat it like a high-profile assassination—metaphorically, of course.

Research your ‘target,’ anticipate questions, and execute answers with deadly precision.

Emotional Detachment: When Ignorance Really is Bliss

Ever notice how assassin protagonists seem untouched by the weight of their choices? It’s as if emotional detachment isn’t just a defense mechanism but a lifestyle.

While I don’t advocate for sociopathic tendencies, a level of emotional detachment can be beneficial.

Got a barrage of passive-aggressive emails from your boss?

Channel your inner assassin: read, react professionally, and emotionally disengage.

The Sacred ‘Code’: Your Personal Moral GPS

Many fictional assassins follow a code, some arcane set of guidelines that dictate whom they can and cannot kill.

Think of it as their moral GPS, steering them through a landscape fraught with ethical landmines.

Create your own personal ‘code’ for life decisions, from the trivial (“I shall never double-dip at social gatherings”) to the significant (“I vow to fight for ethical practices in my workplace”).

The 3 R’s: Rest, Recuperate, and Recon

No self-respecting assassin would go from one job to another without adequate rest.

Burnout is your enemy, whether you’re infiltrating a fortified castle or just surviving a day of Zoom meetings.

Don’t underestimate the power of downtime and information gathering.

Rest when you need to, and always keep an eye out for opportunities—again, no crossbow required.

Redefining ‘Success’: Embrace Your Inner Antihero

In a world that worships at the altar of success, be the antihero who defines their own path.

Our beloved assassin characters rarely fit the mold of traditional heroes, yet we root for them, flaws and all.

So, stop stressing over societal expectations.

Your life, your rules. As long as you’re not breaking any laws or resorting to literal assassination, you’re doing fine.

So the next time you pick up an assassin fantasy novel, don’t just look for a thrilling narrative.

Treat it as your shadowy guidebook to life, offering life lessons from the edge of a blade.

Sure, it’s not your usual self-help fare, but then again, who wants to be usual? In the immortal words of some assassin, probably: “Why aim for mediocrity when you can aim for the jugular?”

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Assassins: A Guide for the Lethally Inclined

Discover the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Assassins, a darkly comic parody guide aimed at assassin fantasy aficionados. Learn to be as efficient in life as in fictional kills.

Ah, assassins, the life coaches we never knew we needed.

You have to admit, their efficacy in getting “the job done” is unparalleled.

Of course, you may have heard of Stephen Covey’s bestseller The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, but did you know that this seminal self-help book has a dark doppelganger?

That’s right: “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Assassins.”

A primer that doesn’t just spill the beans but, quite literally, spills blood.

Let’s explore these habits, shall we?

Habit 1: Be Proactive (In Your Killings)

For the Highly Effective Assassin (HEA), taking the initiative isn’t just a trait; it’s a lifestyle.

Proactive assassins don’t wait for targets to fall into their laps.

They identify them, stalk them, and take them out—all before lunch.

If Stephen Covey’s version is about taking responsibility for your life, this is about taking someone else’s.

Responsibly, of course.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind (Or the End of Someone Else)

Planning is everything. HEAs visualise not only the kill but also the getaway, the alibi, and the celebratory drink afterwards.

They see the entire sequence of events, from the glint of their blade in the moonlight to the exact moment they’re counting their gold.

All that’s left is to—well, execute.

Habit 3: Put First Things First (And Second Things Six Feet Under)

Time management is crucial in any profession, but even more so when you’re juggling multiple contracts and evading the law.

Prioritisation is key.

Remember: the early assassin catches the unsuspecting nobleman on his morning walk.

Or was it a worm?

I forget.

Habit 4: Think Win-Win (Or Kill-Kill)

In a profession notorious for its zero-sum outcomes, HEAs find ways to make mutually beneficial deals.

“You scratch my back; I’ll drive a dagger into someone else’s”—that sort of thing.

It’s all about networking, really.

Granted, it’s networking with poison, traps, and bribes, but who’s judging?

Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Kill

Empathy goes a long way in the assassination business.

Understanding your target’s motivations, fears, and habits makes you more effective in dispatching them.

Covey might say it’s key to effective communication, but here it’s key to effective termination.

Tomayto, tomahto.

Habit 6: Synergise (Or How to Get Others to Do Your Dirty Work)

Why go solo when you can collaborate? HEAs know the value of a good partnership or a well-placed mole.

Sometimes, the quickest path to your goal involves leveraging other people’s skills—or their cannon fodder status.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw (And the Daggers, and the Arrows…)

Continuous improvement isn’t just corporate jargon; it’s the bread and butter of the HEA.

Training montages aren’t just for 80s action films; they’re a weekend pastime.

If you’re not honing your physical and mental faculties, someone else will—right before they take your job, and possibly, your life.

So there you have it, the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Assassins.

If you’ve been seeking a guide to improve your fictional killing or just life in general, this could be the (rather twisted) motivation you never knew you needed.

Remember, life isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving—by any means necessary.

%d